The Contest of Threatening Words
by Ratt9
Summary: Watari proposes a contest in which the task force members pair up and rant about their pet-peeves. The winner shall receive some disturbing little object from Watari. This surely won't end very well.


I haven't given up on The Contest of Deep Dark Secrets, but this idea wouldn't leave me alone. Yes, it's another contest. But it will, at times, have more serious undertones than my other contest fics. Not much happens in this chapter, but the rules are explained. Hope you enjoy.

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><p><em><strong>The Contest of Threatening Words<strong>_

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><p><em>A word is dead<em>

_When it is said, _

_some say._

_I say __it only begins to live that day._

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><p>Life in headquarters was constantly frustrating, it seemed. This frustration was making itself more and more apparent in the past few weeks, and the evidence was etched into the behavior of the task force members themselves. Aizawa was more likely to blow up in someone's face (but, thank god, not literally blow up, as if he'd hidden a bomb in his afro or something), Soichiro was more prone to doing his infamous 'SHOCKGASP' face, L had begun murderously torturing all of his food prior to consumption, Mogi (at random intervals) would start wheezing heavily for a few minutes with a rabid look in his glazed eyes, Matsuda became prone to spontaneously bursting into tears, and Light had developed the habit of bashing his head against his desk repeatedly. There came a time when Watari, the witness to all of this, decided that he had had enough. So, being the clever inventor that he was, Watari devised a superbly effective plan to serve as the means to an end.<p>

"Everyone," announced the W on the screen, once Watari saw that everyone was occupying the main room, "I will now be in charge of this situation."

Puzzled voices circulated throughout the room.

"Situation?"

"What situation?"

"Does that mean Watari is putting himself in charge of the Kira case?"

"Then what about Ryuzaki?"

"Huh…?"

_Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Ba—_

"Son, please stop smashing your head against the desk."

"Sorry, dad."

"WHAT ARE YOU FUCKING TALKING ABOUT, WATARI?" Aizawa's voice thundered above the rest. "RYUZAKI IS THE ONE FUCKING IN CHARGE!"

L began stabbing his ice cream with the handle of his spoon, earning a glare from Mogi. "I doubt that that is the 'situation' Watari is referring to, Aizawa-san," L said irately, pointedly ignoring Matsuda, who had almost used his shirtsleeve as a tissue before L had yanked it away.

Their boss's voice alone was enough to slowly bring the array of voices down to a hush. Once quiet enough, L looked to the screen and said, "Watari, please continue."

The computer speakers whirred to life again as Watari turned his intercom mic on once more. "Right. Now that I have everybody's full attention, I ask for you to please allow me to continue. Alright. Due to unhealthy stress levels as of late, I have created the perfect way for you all to relieve stress while amusing me in the processes."

Soichiro looked shocked at such a proposal, though he really shouldn't have.

"And what way might that be?" Light prompted.

"It is a contest in which—"

At the word "contest," Matsuda dissolved into tears. "NOOO!" he screeched, desperate and falling to his knees. "_NO. MORE! NO MORE CONTESTS! NEVER AGAIN!"_

"Matsuda." Watari's voice was stony and cold. "What did I tell you about interrupting me, Matsuda? You know that I don't like being interrupted, Matsuda."

Matsuda chocked on a sob.

"Are you interrupting me right now, Matsuda?"

"Y-yes…" the young man managed.

"Correct. I expect that behavior to stop, Matsuda. While Ryuzaki may put up with your melodramatic behavior, I will have none of it. Now, as I was saying, it shall be a contest of threatening words. Every day or so you will be paired up with a different task force member, and you will have to agree upon a topic to rant about. One topic and one topic only, per team, per day. The team with the best rant of the day—by my judgment, of course—wins a point for both of the people in the team. By the time everyone has been paired up with everyone exactly one time, we will see which individual has the most points. The winner will receive some disturbing little object, and the all-time winner will receive some disturbing large object, as well as a kiss from someone very special. The rants may be either spoken out loud or written on paper, and they can literally be about anything, including each other. You may reply to other people's rants. Any questions?"

The room was silent.

"Good," Watari said, without giving anyone the time to speak up. "The first pairings are: Aizawa/Mogi, Light/Matsuda, and L/Soichiro. The first competition starts tomorrow, so get on with it."

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><p><span>I know that was really really rushed. I only rushed it because I wanted to just get the rules down without dragging them out. The upcoming chapters will be so much better than this one in just about every different way (I hope).<span>

I have no idea what people will think of this idea, so please give me feedback! Review!

Well, I hope you stick around. :P

Thank you for reading.

~Ratt Kazamata, 5/07/2011


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